


2 AM Thoughts

by artificialmac



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Based off of Troye Sivan's Talk Me Down, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:36:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9445781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmac/pseuds/artificialmac
Summary: Justin thinks too much late at night. He doesn't know how to stop it, but he isn't really sure that he wants to.





	

Justin rolled over to the cool side of the bed and let out a sigh. He had been uselessly tossing and turning for hours now, desperately trying to fall asleep. He had tried all of the tricks in the book, twice, but he still couldn’t manage this simple task. It was getting to the point where his mind was wandering to everything and anything he could think of. His mind was running through idea after idea, thought after thought, place after place, until it stopped and focused on one. As soon as he realized what he was doing, he tried to stop. He racked his brain for something, anything other than what was being pushed to the forefront of his thoughts. His mind wouldn’t surrender, and his whole body sagged more into the bed as he gave in.

Pictures flashed across his eyelids like a slide show, memories slipped in between them. He started with the earliest ones. The ones when he and Aaron had just started being he and Aaron. These early memories were hopeful and bright. Justin couldn’t help the smile that formed as he thought about when they got Cerrone. Like all the memories he had with Aaron, there was a trace of sadness that wormed its way into each one, tainting it blue.

He felt himself falling further and further down this hole of thoughts. Everything started coming back in waves. The thing about Justin was that he remembered it all so vividly. He remembers the big things, like the one time that Aaron tried to cook for him, and somehow he ended up burning the stove so completely that they couldn’t ever use it again. Justin faintly wonders if Aaron ever got it fixed. He also remembers the little things, like the way Aaron would grab his hand when he knew Justin felt scared, or how Aaron loved the one piece of hair that Justin could never style just right. He also remembers how he would wake up in the middle of the night and find Aaron looking at him as if he were the center of the world. Justin would be lying if he said he didn’t miss that feeling.

He felt a stirring in his chest and sat up, adrenaline coursing through his veins all of a sudden. Justin grabbed his phone from the nightstand, wincing at the bright screen as he located the messages app. He ignored the numerous unopened notifications and scrolled down to the end of his saved conversations and opened the last one. Then he hesitated. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. But the emotions coursing through him did. So they typed out a message and hit send before Justin could stop them. He chastised them but they just gave him a knowing smile.

J: I want to sleep next to you.

Justin’s heart raced and he was just about to Google how to take back texts when he saw three grey dots pop up and then disappear. The dots appeared again and disappeared once more. This pattern continued for a solid five minutes before a text finally came through.

A: On my way.

Justin lay back, stunned. What had just happened? A knock sounded at his door a while later, or maybe it had only been a few minutes, Justin didn’t know. He scrambled up and had to stop himself from running to the door. He opened it slowly, tension coiled tightly in his gut. Aaron was standing outside his door, eyes wild, with no shoes, and clearly in his pajamas. Justin felt bad about waking Aaron up, he opened his mouth to apologize, but he felt the words catch in his throat. Aaron recognized this and pulled Justin into his arms just as the younger man burst into tears. Justin had no idea what had come over him, but he began sobbing like he never had before. He didn’t really know why, but it happened nonetheless.

Justin felt his legs tremble with the weight of his own body, but just before he could fall to the floor, he felt a pair of arms catch him. Aaron was essentially holding Justin up as the younger man cried into his shoulder. Justin wrapped his legs around Aaron who pulled him impossibly tighter. It was one of the strangest positions either of them had ever been in, but it felt right in the moment.

They stayed that way for several minutes before Aaron started to walk. Justin noticed himself mumbling things in between sniffles. “I want to hold hands with you. I want to come home to you. I want to sleep next to you. I want to be close to you.”

Aaron placed Justin on the bed and the younger man watched him expectantly. Aaron began tucking Justin into the covers, making sure he was warm and comfortable. Justin felt embarrassed for acting like a child, but also he felt taken care of and safe, and he felt sad because Aaron knew just what he needed, and dammit Aaron always knew just what he needed.

Aaron made a move to walk from the bed and Justin’s hand shot out to stop him. Aaron turned to him with a soft smile, “I’m not going anywhere. Ok?” Justin nodded and his wide eyes followed Aaron, afraid if he looked away, the boy might just disappear. Aaron crawled into bed and immediately pulled Justin flush against his chest. It took him a moment, but Justin finally relaxed into the familiar position, tangling his hand in Aaron’s tank top over his heart, while the blonde ran his fingers through Justin’s hair. They were silent for a while. And for the first time in a long time, Justin felt almost normal. After a while, Aaron’s breathing evened out, and the rise and fall of his chest ultimately lulled Justin to sleep.

The next morning there was a note in place of Aaron’s body. It read simply:

I’m not the one. If we’re honest.

Justin felt like screaming, because of course he was the one. Of course it was Aaron after everything. Aaron was the one he wanted more than anything. He was the only one that made Justin whole. He was the only one who could talk him down from his own twisted mind. He reached for his phone to tell Aaron just that, when he stopped. He looked at his phone for a hard minute, countless thoughts speeding through his head before he put it back down. He didn’t pick it up for the rest of the day.


End file.
